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As a dating coach who works with men, I’ve heard one question asked many, many times. Frustrated, lonely, and disappointed, my clients (and many male friends, family and strangers) ask, why is dating so hard for guys?

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First, I like to remind everyone that dating is difficult for everyone these days. Women have just as many complaints. Some of the complaints overlap, but there are certainly difficulties that are unique to both sexes.

This article is going to focus on why dating is so difficult for guys, as I examine the challenges that uniquely impact men. I have no desire to revel in bad energy, negativity, or toxicity, so I’m not “blame” women as some authors do (nor blame men). This also isn’t meant to be a pity party to justify whining or blaming. The solution to any challenging issue is to see the obstacle clearly, take responsibility, and change what you can that is within your control (this is Stoicism 101). If you just want to whine, complain, or blame without taking any personal action, then you are in the wrong place.

I want to start out by saying that yes, dating is objectively hard for guys right now, and is harder than in the past. A recent survey, for example, revealed that 28% of men under 30 are essentially dateless and sexless, and not by choice. The number of women in this scenario was only 18%, suggesting that men seem to have it harder than women in this regard. Also, to show you how bad things are in 2020, in 2008 only 10% of men reported being celibate in this way. This is an almost 300% increase in just a decade!

Online Dating Sucks

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Online dating seems like a video game. You get on the app, do what you’re supposed to do (photo, profile, swiping, etc.) and you happily reach the goal (a great relationship). If you can get through 8 levels of Super Mario Brothers, then you can certainly make online dating work!

Anyone who’s tried online dating knows this is total bullshit. Online dating is more like a slot machine. You want the big prize and that’s why you play. But, the odds of getting it aren’t great.

While you think you’ll win the lottery (a relationship or maybe sex), your experience is more like that sad woman who spends all day at the casino, chucking quarters in the slot machine while hunched over dead inside, to end the day breaking even at best.

While online dating sucks for women, it really, really sucks for guys. Really. Here are a few crazy stats

  • Women swipe right (like) on only 4.5 percent of guys on Tinder (Men swipe right 62 percent of the time)!!
  • Women judge 80 percent of male profiles as “unattractive” in some way
  • 70 percent of Tinder users reported never going on a date
  • If the average man, under average conditions, wants to be 99% certain he’ll receive a reply to a message online he will need to send 114 messages (women only have to send 25). Yes, read that again.
  • The top 10% of men clean up, monopolizing the attention of most women, while the bottom 50% of men are fighting for the attention of less than 5% of women, at least on the Hinge app.
  • In one study, when an attractive women swiped right on all men, she got 600 matches in 4 hours. Yes, read that again. This shows how competitive these apps are for men.
  • This makes sense, because Tinder is 78% men, and other dating apps are similarly male-dominated.

Depressed yet? If you’re a guy trying to get a date and you find online dating frustrating as hell, you can see why.

Real World Dating Sucks (For Many Men)

If online dating is a virtual raging dumpster fire, then you can meet people in the “real world” right? Well, yes and no. While it’s much easier to form a connection in person (and there is much less competition), many people have very few resources or avenues to find a date this way.

The Western world today is more disconnected than ever. Most people don’t know their neighbors, have few friends, and wouldn’t even know where to find community events.

Many men simple don’t have friends. The likelihood of being friendless triples if you’re a man from his 20s to late middle age. Many men only have a couple of friends, but 11 percent of single men have zero friends.

Yet, how do people meet romantic partners? It’s through friends. By far. It’s not even close. One study showed that 39 percent of couples met through friends, although this number is going down.

So, if men don’t have a friend group or few community connections, where do you meet women? Well it involves randomly approaching women, whether at bars or even the grocery. And, while this is possible (and I do it), it’s not exactly easy. It’s no wonder people ask why is dating so hard for guys? As a result, many guys just “check out.”

#MeToo Movement

For those unaware, the #MeToo movement is an anti-sexual assault and anti-sexual harassment campaign that focused especially on eradicating those behaviors in the workplace. One positive aspect of the movement is that it has drawn attention to toxic workplace behaviors of some men.

However, from a dating perspective, it’s also created additional dating hurdles and challenges for good men who have never engaged in harassing behaviors.

The #MeToo movement has made many men reluctant to engage women, even in an appropriate manner, in environments where they previously would have. In addition, many workplaces tightened rules which make trying to date there dangerous for one’s career.

Many couples in the past met in the workplace (one study says 15 percent). In the current climate, those numbers will certainly decline and both men and women will have lost another avenue to potentially meet their life partner. This will inevitably cause more men to rely on online dating, which as I just mentioned, sucks.

She’s Just Not That Into You

It’s been shown over and over again that men consistently overestimate how much women are actually attracted to them (interestingly, women underestimate). Guys think women are into them, when the women are not. Men also tend to overestimate their own attractiveness.

I always joke that most women I know can have thirty guys messaging them and still wonder “am I attractive?” whereas a guy can have one woman smile at him in a month and he thinks he’s God’s gift to women, as he is using his 10-year-old T-shirt as a napkin to wipe barbecue sauce off his face.

Why does this make dating difficult for men?

First, many guys think they are a “catch” when they clearly aren’t. Even what they might think are selling points (e.g. having a job, “only” being 30 pounds overweight, above average height, having their own place) really just make them average or invisible to most women. It’s like “hey baby, I have the bare minimum society expects of me going for me…let’s chat and then go get a Little Caesar’s Pizza…on me!”

Second, guys look at the behavior of women in their lives like smiling, laughing, and even talking to them as a green light for a date. They perceive friendliness (and sometimes forced friendliness like a cashier) as romantic interest when it clearly isn’t.

Women Have Many Options

If you spent a year desperately looking for work and sending in resumes, then got one job offer, you’d be over the moon and instantly take it. However, if you were flooded with employers calling you daily, not only would you not send out a bunch of resumes, but you would sit back, take your time and pick the best.

Beautiful women have options. They have countless men “sliding into their DMs,” hundreds of likes on Instagram photos, matches numbering in the hundreds and even thousands on Tinder and Bumble, and get hit on while walking down the street. Yet, in the end, they might have a crush on their boss and stay in most weekends with their cat because they don’t even like most of the men in their lives (see previous point).

Don’t believe me? Check out the photo on the right, taken from a real Tinder account by us…25,000 likes on Tinder. Also refer back to the study I mentioned above where women can get hundreds of likes in a few hours.

In one fascinating experiment on OKCupid involving fake profiles, even some of the “least attractive” female profiles got more messages than the most attractive men. The least attractive man got zero messages over a four month period. The least attractive woman received eleven.

So, even the “not so beautiful” women have some options, even if they might not take them. The ugly and below average guys might not even have the chance to be rejected.

But, aren’t the sex ratios even? Isn’t there one guy for every girl? Well, kind of. But, that’s like saying there’s enough money in the world for everyone to have a certain amount. The sexual economy works a lot like the actual economy: extreme inequality.

As I mentioned earlier, in the 18-30 age bracket, 28 percent of men are involuntarily celibate while only 18 percent of women reported this. If you ask: “why is dating so hard for guys?” part of the reason is because a lot of men want to get laid and aren’t. Those numbers clearly show some men are monopolizing more than one woman, while other guys are getting nothing.

Also, when you look at the data from the online dating app Hinge I also referenced earlier, the top 1 percent of men received 16 percent of female likes. In addition, the bottom 50 percent of men got 4.3 percent of female likes. These stats are absolutely insane and blow any notion of equality in dating out of the water. The “one percenters” of attraction clean up just like the “one percenters” of wealth.

To make this clearer, based roughly on the data above, imagine going to a party with 100 single men and single women. In the room, one guy has 16 women talking to him, 9 other guys are talking to 36 women, and you have 50 guys standing around with 4 women showing interest in them.

The point here is that there are a lot of guys out there competing for the attention of women. And, most of them are getting lost in the noise. Even if you are an amazing, attractive guy (for real, not perceived), she might not even see your message because of all the losers crowding her inbox!

Modern Men Just Aren’t Measuring Up

Another reason dating is hard for men is because modern men just aren’t as attractive and dateable as in the past. Women typically date men who are higher in social, educational, and financial status. They also are generally attracted to men who are assertive, muscular, dominant, and ambitious. At the very least, men with these traits end up dating a lot of women, largely because men with these traits are bold and take risks.

And, modern guys just aren’t very dateable based on all of this. For example, more young men live with their parents than young women do.Men are less educated than women, and rates of obesity among men are skyrocketing. All of these factors mean that among men, testosterone levels are at all time lows. Men with higher testosterone are more likely to have the traits that women find attractive. While this means higher T guys will clean up in the dating world, it also means that dating is more challenging for the average guy (this also explains why more men are sexless than in the past).

In short, a lot of men are more boys than men, and let’s be honest, society encourages this at all points in a guy’s life including being in an educational system that punishes creativity and students that won’t sit still for 8 hours.

I was sitting at a restaurant a few days ago and this 20-something-ish guy was going off about some topic. He sounded whiny, took life way too seriously, and came across like a middle-schooler in almost every way. The woman with him looked bored and even talked louder and looked my direction as if to say “help, this boy is bothering me!”

Also, I should add, that not only have the number of people on the autism spectrum increased in recent years, but more men than women are on the spectrum, which means a greater percentage of men (especially young men) will struggle with the mental and emotional processing necessary to make romantic connections.

The Solution?

I know this sounds like bad news, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. So we know online dating is tough, women are picky with options, it’s tough out there, and guys just aren’t measuring up.

So let’s imagine you’re training for a marathon, and you twist your ankle at one point while training, your running buddy flakes on you a lot, and it rains for 10 days straight leading up to it. You can choose one of two paths: you quit and then bitch about it, or you rise to the occasion in each of those cases.

Any guy can improve himself in a multitude of ways. Most aspects of your life can be transformed to be the man a woman craves and desires.’

This can include losing weight and getting in shape (muscularity is very important), developing a more assertive personality, changing your body language, learning to flirt, projecting and getting power and more! For many guys it may mean practicing and developing various social skills that men in the past found came more naturally.

Remember no one is owed a date. Just because you think you’re awesome doesn’t mean a woman should date you or give you attention. If you truly want to date the women of your dreams, become the man who is worthy of their time and attention. Will it involve hard work? Probably! But, how badly do you want it?

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I’ve seen these changes, not only in myself, but in my clients. I used to be a boring, dateless “nice guy” who changed his ways and now dates beautiful women. And, the traits that help you become more attractive (charisma, boldness, dressing better, etc) will ALWAYS spill over into success in other areas, including your career.

We wrote two books that can help guys out (women, if you are reading this because your brother, son, etc, is struggling, buy him a copy!). But be warned: these are books for guys who WANT to rise to the occasion and do something. If your view is that you’d rather bitch, moan, and discuss the problem of dating rather than take action, for real, please don’t buy our books because it will just be a waste of time.

One is Be Popular Now, which is a general overview of social skills, charm, charisma, and dating skills for men. The other is Size Doesn’t Matter: The Short Man’s Handbook Of Dating And Relationship Success. We know that a lot of shorter guys feel stuck and at a huge dating disadvantage in modern society, and this impacts their self esteem negatively.

SAN DIEGO, April 23, 2021 (GLOBE NEWSWIRE) -- TigersofTinder.com announces the release of the review, “Best Dating Sites in 2021”

Usa

Dating sites and apps are numerous nowadays and asking someone about their favorite site will elicit a response as unique as the person themselves.

French Dating Sites That Want To Date In The Usa List

While some people might be searching for love and marriage, others may be looking for something more casual.
The best dating sites offer plenty of variety and privacy, among other features. This article aims to lay out the best dating site for each person's unique situation and relationship goals.

First look:

  1. Best for serious relationships - Eharmony
  2. Best for working professionals - EliteSingles
  3. Best free dating site - Okcupid
  4. Best casual dating site - AdultFriendFinder
  5. Largest dating app - Tinder
  6. Best senior dating site - SilverSingles
  7. Best personality matching system - Hinge
  8. Best for christian singles - ChristianMingle
  9. Best married dating site - AshleyMadison
  10. Best dating app for women - Bumble
  11. More women than men - Seeking
  12. Serious dating site for under 30 - Zoosk

How The Best Dating Sites Were Evaluated:
User reviews - For each dating site we looked at app store reviews, forum discussions, and trustpilot reviews to find sites with the highest average rating in a given category.
Privacy and security - Everyone has heard horror stories of online dates gone sour or dangerous. The best dating sites feature built-in privacy features and even moderators to step in when a user is out of line or poses a risk to others.
Unique features - Some dating websites just offer straightforward meet-up options, whether through chat or video call. Others help people find their match with compatibility games, filtering options, and more. These additional features indicate a better chance at success.
15 Best Dating Sites for 2021
1. Eharmony - Best for serious relationships
Millions of couples have been connected by Eharmony—in reality, 400+ users marry someone they meet on the website every single day. The platform has even won awards as the best site for finding stable relationships.
Eharmony requires users to complete a lengthy survey upon signup, which functions as a “compatibility matching system.” The site then uses this information to present users with could-be successful dating choices.
Thiss platform is interesting in that it prompts users to like or comment on a certain section of the other person's profile. It provides a way for people to interact beyond the usual chat.
8. Seeking - For sugar daddies and sugar babies
Seeking is unique because it focuses on linking younger individuals (sugar babies) with older, wealthy sugar daddies. Apparently, it is more common than most believe, given the platform now has over 10 million subscribers. Each person can specify his/her terms before they connect, whether they want to travel, demand an allowance, or other specifications.
There is a high female-to-male ratio, which means the daddies have plenty of options to choose from, although it also indicates that competition could be fierce for the babies.
9. JDate - Jewish singles only
JDate is a dating service exclusively for Jewish singles. It was established in 1997 and is now accessible in over 100 countries, allowing users to communicate with Jewish singles in five different languages (English, Hebrew, French, German, and Spanish).
When it comes to online Jewish weddings, JDate is responsible for matching over 50 percent of those couples.
Users can contact anyone with a free or paid membership. Customer service checks each profile to ensure that it is created by genuine customers.
10. ChristianMingle - Best Christian dating site
ChristianMingle assists users within the christian community with finding their forever love. It boasts over 1 million users, and the site explicitly encourages “faith-based dating” for long-term potential.
There is a free account option or a monthly membership for $29.95. The latter comes with a guarantee, where a user can receive six months for free after their initial six-month membership is over if they do not find some suitable.
11. Zoosk - Large international community
Zoosk boasts one of the largest platforms on an international scale, with over 40 million members worldwide. Each day, these users submit more than 3 million messages in 25 different languages. Zoosk operates in over 80 nations.
The website employs something called “behavioral matchmaking technology” to help singles find compatible individuals that might equate to a match made in heaven.
After a free trial period, a Zoosk membership costs $29.99 per month.
12. Reddit R4R - Best for Reddit users

R4R, or Redditor for Redditor, is a subreddit dedicated to connecting users. The platform does not use a matching scheme, instead, it is a massive venue of personal ads.
A user’s search criteria brings up their preferred results. Reddit consumers use it to find activities, friends, parties, hookups, and even long-term relationships.
Even though it is a generalized forum, there are still rules relating to age, privacy, legality, and conduct. For example, NSFW posts are allowed but must be labeled as such so users can decide if they want to view the post or not.
13. OkCupid - Free and popular
OkCupid is one of the most well-known dating sites and features comprehensive profiles that other members can thoroughly scan before connecting. It is available in both a desktop and mobile version, with loads of details that users can fill in for the best results.
The site is very inclusive, with over 20 gender and sexual orientation choices.
14. Ashley Madison - Best married dating site
Ashley Madison is one of a kind, made for married individuals looking to have private affairs. It is not connected to social media accounts for this reason.
There are other privacy restrictions and features to help users stay anonymous if they are afraid of getting caught. Additionally, Ashley Madison has a travel option where members can search their upcoming location in advance.
Special Mentions:

Match.com - Match has been around since 1995 and offers a virtual dating mentor program to assist participants in matchmaking and dating ideas.

Tinder - This dating app is widely popular and comes with credibility. Most people use it for hookups, given its massive user base and location-driven algorithms.
BlackPeopleMeet - For over 18 years, BlackPeopleMeet has been connecting African American singles seeking love. The site's 100,000+ members can flirt, email, and see who views their profile.
Grindr - Grindr is exclusively for LGBTQA+ individuals. It is location-based, and users primarily use it for hooking up, though longer-term matches are also possible.
Plenty of Fish - This dating website is Canadian-based, but allows users to communicate with people from all around the world.
Why Do People Use Online Dating Sites?
Dating sites expose people to a far larger pool of individuals than a single person would have the chance to meet in real life. This is especially the case for users that have a limited social group, are new to town, or otherwise.
Using these sites can also allow users to be more selective based on criteria that are important to them: shared values, hobbies, or the type of relationship they want.
Are Dating Apps Safe?
Generally, yes, dating apps are safe, but it does still require discernment and caution. Apps have privacy features in place to help members out, such as profile verification. Certain websites also scan participants manually, adding an extra layer of security to the process.
Individuals should never provide personal information before meeting someone in real life, such as their surname, address, or even their neighborhood. It is also smart to arrange a first date in a public space. Contacting a friend beforehand and letting them know they are going on a date with a stranger is also not a bad idea.

How to Ensure Your Safety While Online Dating?

Never provide personal information to someone online, especially before meeting in person. This information includes the surname, employer, address, and even neighborhood.

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When encountering anyone online, arrange for the first few dates to take place in public places. This may be a café, a hotel, a theatre, or some other public space. Avoid isolated areas such as beaches, and never allow strangers into the house.

Finally, contact a buddy before the date to inform them of the whereabouts and anticipated return time. Notify them when it's time to leave for home. To provide an extra layer of protection, request that they call or text during the date to ensure maximum safety.

First Date Suggestions

Dating for the first time can be overwhelming! To ensure optimal safety and to meet the match in person, follow these tips:

Maintain an open mind. Individuals may look very different in person than they do online, so be prepared for the preferences to change.

Avoid being too formal. Establishing a social meeting, such as a lunch date, allows the users to get to know one another without feeling obligated to spend hours together.

Review the conversations before going on a date. Re-read the person's profile and review what was discussed, and schedule general discussion topics.
Is It Possible to Develop a Serious Relationship When Dating Online?
Yes, it is possible! If two people meet, are compatible, and chemistry is present, the relationship could turn into something stable and secure. It happens every day, thanks to sites like Eharmony.
Online Dating Sites in Conclusion
The trick to online dating is for the individual to know what they want and need in a relationship beforehand. Based on the list above, there are many types of relationships to be found on these sites.
Maintain caution but an open mind when using a dating site. Each site here has something to offer, depending on what the user desires.

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French Dating Sites That Want To Date In The Usa 2019